


Five Nights at the Evidence Room

by batakab



Category: Ace Attorney, Five Nights at Freddy's
Genre: Banter, Cowboy swears, Crossover, Parody, Suspense
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-22
Updated: 2014-08-22
Packaged: 2018-02-14 05:49:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,902
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2180319
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/batakab/pseuds/batakab
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Down on his luck, Officer Meekins takes on the night shift in the evidence room. What he didn’t expect were the bloodthirsty animatronic Blue Badgers cropping up at night, threatening to rip his body to shreds. But hey, he needs the $120 and this was the only job he was qualified for.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Five Nights at the Evidence Room

Mike Meekins found a rather uncomfortable swivel chair in the middle of his office. Seeing as it was the only available seat, he rolled it towards the back of the room and eased himself into the chair–the leather squeaked pitifully as he wriggled in an attempt to justify to himself that taking this job was a good choice. And what better option to take a job that pays $4 an hour when you have no other choice? Sitting in a dark room for a few hours, occasionally watching the surveillance videos for “funny stuff” didn’t seem too under his current qualifications. Right?

  
“This is this worst job I’ve ever had,” he decided. He subconsciously touched the handcuffs and megaphone at his side and sighed. They were useless in a situation like this. He was useless in a situation like this.

  
A sudden glumness threatened to do him in. Instead of letting himself fall into another fit of depression, he glanced at the watch on his wrist and counted down the minutes until his first shift officially started.

  
At 12 am on the dot, the phone started ringing and a recording of Jake Marshall’s voice started playing once he picked it up.

  
“Howdy, Partner,” the recording said. Meekins nodded and resisted the urge to say howdy back, despite it being out of character for him and the fact that he’d only be talking to a voice recording and not the real man.

  
The recording continued. “I hope you’re having yourself a real good time, this being your first night here and all. As you know, I was the first guy who took this shift but since I’ve been taken into custody by the police, I can’t exactly work security at the police department anymore. But hey, that’s how the tumbleweed rumbles. Anyway, about the job...”

  
Meekins didn’t pay much attention to the formalities of the new job. He knew the rules and regulations of the evidence room during the day, so how different could it be at night? His mind wandered until he heard snippets of Jake Marshall’s incredibly rushed speech. Something about “The police department is not responsible for damage to property or person” and “A missing person report will be kind of redundant since this is the goddang police department” and “At least we’ve got a handful of corrupt police officials to cover up the incident. I just hope you don’t have kids.”

  
“Wait, what?” Meekins almost flipped out of his chair, but caught himself by pressing his hands against the walls beside him. Bright lights flickered on contact, and despite his current circumstances, amused him greatly.

  
“But there’s not thing to worry about,” the recording said. “Let’s just focus on getting you through this first week, and then you can cry about how this job barely hits minimum wage. The pay for this job a joke, but cowboys don’t cry when a couple of steer go missing, right?”

  
Meekins slammed his fists against his knees and his impossibly tall frame shook with excitement on the little swivel chair. He had no idea what Jake Marshall was talking about. “Right!”

  
“That’s the spirit!”

  
“Yeah!” In celebration, Meekins flickered the lights on and off. Once or twice he accidentally shut the doors. For some reason, they seemed rather strange...

  
“Now, like I said, a missing person report may or may not be filed. But I’ll assure you that the janitors will throughly wash away any blood you may spill if you found yourself getting into an occupational accident, as they call it. They’ll use bleach, so don’t worry about sanitation. It’s the police department. They know how to cover their tracks...and the tracks the animatronic Blue Badgers leave behind.”

  
Meekins blinked. He wasn’t intending on bleeding anytime soon, so that didn’t bother him. What bothered him was that other thing. “Animatronic...Blue Badgers?”

  
The voice on the recording sighed. “Yeah, Gumshoe went a little crazy with revamping the Blue Badger. Too many complaints that the wriggling piece of plywood was becoming an eyesore. Plus it was scaring the kids, too. And you know the police department hates scaring kids. Um, anyway, there are five animatronic Blue Badgers at the police department now, so you better show them a little respect.”

  
“Yes, sir!” Meekins said, giving a salute in the dark. His handcuffs somehow got wrapped around his neck and he was struggling for air.

  
“...if you don’t give them the respect they deserve or somehow get caught by one of the animatronic Blue Badgers, they’ll tear you to shreds. And I mean that in the literal sense.”

  
“How literal?” Meekins gasped as he wrestled the cuffs from around his neck. He rubbed the sore spot as he took a quick glance at his watch. There was no way Jake Marshall was talking for an entire hour! He wondered how time passed so quickly on an otherwise boring job.

  
“Literal,” the recording insisted.

  
Meekins put a finger to his chin. “How so?”

  
After a shuffling of papers Meekins heard a low whistle and a click of a tongue through the recording. He thought perhaps Jake Marshall was also annoyed at the dictionary definition change of the word ‘literal.’ It made situations like these difficult.

  
“Literal. As in, they will literally rip your face off and stuff you into another animatronic Blue Badger,” the recording said. “Then you’d be electrocuted, of course. Your internal organs would be punctured by all the things that make the Blue Badgers move around at night, and they’re a bunch of sadistic bastards if you cut right down to it.”

  
Meekins gripped the armrests of his chair and spun around a few times. He was getting restless by Jake Marshall’s dramatics. “Of course they move!” he said, giddy for perhaps the first time in months. Then he got up and wobbled to the recording and talked into it. “They were designed to do that!”

  
The recording groaned. Jake Marshall was probably tearing out his hair by now, despite the fact that this was a recording and could not in any way respond to Meekin’s antics.

  
“They move more than usual, you fucknut,” the recording grumbled. “If you pull up the monitor by the desk, you’ll occasionally see them moving from room to room. See it?”

  
Meekins did as he was told. All but one of the animatronic Blue Badgers were in place. The one that was in the room gave him a somewhat hungry stare.

  
“Yeah, I see it,” he said, suppressing a particularly large yawn. How stupid could Jake Marshall be? He said there were five Blue Badgers but he could clearly only see one. No wonder the man got arrested.

  
“The Blue Badgers might act as dull as a desert rock on a Sunday afternoon, but they’re angry like scorpions scorned at their own weddings. Scary, ain’t it?”

  
“I don’t think I understand your analogies.”

  
The sound of a hat being thrown against the wall could be heard, along with a couple more colorful cowboy swears. “You son of a bitch!”

  
“Well,” Meekins said, crossing his arms across his chest. Even if he was a lowly security guard, he was still a human being. “Excuse you.”

  
“Hey, I’m trying to help you,” the recording said. “I shouldn’t care since I’m going to jail soon anyway, but I don’t like the idea of sending a totally incompetent fool into the line of fire. Fine. I’ll keep this short and sweet. I don’t expect you to live long anyhow.”

  
“I expect to live an average lifespan for an adult male.”

  
“Not with this job, you ain’t living an average lifespan,” the recording shouted. “You’ve got limited electricity and you’ve wasted it on that little light show you’ve been putting on for the last two hours.”

  
“Why do I have limited electricity?” Meekins said. He stretched his legs out in front of him. When he looked over, he saw a pair of bright eyes in the darkness. For some reason, strange carnival music was also coming from that direction, too. It was annoying him, so he pressed the button to close the door. “Don’t they say that electricity is cheaper at night since less people are on the grid?”

  
“We’re law enforcement, not electricians,” the recording said.

  
“If the police department hired an electrician, maybe we wouldn’t have this problem?” Meekins asked, hopeful that this suggestion would somehow come to his benefit sometime in the future.

  
The recording’s reply was an instantaneous “no.” After a few moments of silence, Jake Marshall sighed again. “So yeah, I think I told you everything you need to know. Maybe. I don’t really care anymore. Good luck, Partner. You’ll need it.”

  
Finally, the room was in silence. If it weren’t for Jake Marshall’s insults, Meekins would’ve liked “chatting” with the man a little longer while he waited for his shift to be over. Instead, he was left to his own thoughts in the dreary room.

  
“Let’s see what the Blue Badger is up to,” Meekins said, pulling up the security monitor. He flipped through the rooms and witnessed all the Blue Badgers roaming around, dismantling the camera screens when he viewed them too long. How rude. He reached over and closed the door to the right. A few moments later, he felt that the room needed more air circulation despite the oscillating fan on his desk, so he released the door to his left.

  
An hour later, the electricity went out.

  
“This is unfortunate,” Meekins said, spinning around in his chair again.

  
Instead of staying put, he got up from his chair and stretched his arms this time to release the tension in his shoulders. Since he had been on the job for four hours straight, he could justify excusing himself to use the restroom, despite the fact that it was strictly forbidden. The pitch black room also posed as another obstacle, but Mike Meekins was always prepared with a pocket flashlight.

  
As soon as Meekins stepped out of the office, he bolted towards where he thought the bathroom was located. Not because he was scared–he was an officer of the law. No, he had waited too long and desperately needed to relieve himself.

  
Once or twice during his run, he thought he saw a couple of shadows that looked like Blue Badgers, but they were nothing but oddly shaped shadows that moved and played carnival music when he got too close. And despite his freakishly tall frame, he escaped all detection.

  
“Maybe I should start a petition to get an electrician,” Meekins said, groping the walls for the all-familiar bathroom sign. When he found it, he let out a giggle of relief. He knew he wouldn’t have been able to hold it in much longer. What if he needed to sneeze? What would he have done then?

  
By the time Meekins slipped into one of the bathroom stalls, an actual Blue Badger strolled along with an evil-looking grin on its face. It made a beeline for Meekin’s post at the office, where he should’ve been awaiting his death. All of the Blue Badgers were slowly making their way towards the meatbag called “Meekins.” Every single Blue Badger crammed itself into the tiny office, searching for the man they wanted to kill.

  
But their search was in vain.

  
By the time Meekins zipped up his pants, his night shift was over.  



End file.
